Bumbles Day Care > Our Families > Managing children’s behaviour

Managing children’s behaviour

Principle and statement of intent

The standards and principles of our policy take into account the U.N Convention on Rights of the Child which states “that the child should be fully prepared to live an individual life in society, and brought up in the spirit of the ideals proclaimed in the Charter of the United Nations, and in particular in the spirit of peace, dignity, tolerance, freedom, equality and solidarity.”

At Bumbles Day Care we believe in young children’s growing ability to control their own lives, to make choices and accept responsibility for their actions. We also believe that all children have the right to expect positive approaches to managing their behaviour, which are consistent with these goals.

Procedures

Fostering positive behaviour

Managing children’s ‘behaviour’, is about helping children to make judgements about what they can or cannot do, so helping them control their own behaviour through developing in them an awareness of other people’s needs as well as their own, and some understanding of the consequences of their actions on others. Giving explanations, for the reasons certain behaviour is encouraged or discouraged is a key way in which children can develop self-control and come to appreciate the need to respect, tolerate and co-operate with others around them.

At Bumbles Day Care we aim to do this by:-

  • Setting a good example to the children of the benefits of showing care and concern for one another in our behaviour as staff, to each other, as well as to the children
  • Providing interesting and appropriate play activities and meeting children’s individual needs effectively
  • Praising and encouraging examples of children behaving well towards one another, such as kindness and willingness to share.
  • Where age appropriate, discuss ideas and problems, encouraging children to take responsibility for their own behaviour and well being of the group.

Dealing with incidents of unacceptable behaviour

The type of behaviour that we would consider unacceptable at Bumbles Day Care includes:

  • Any behaviour that is potentially dangerous and poses a health and safety risk. E.g. Running inside, throwing sand, throwing toys
  • Any behaviour that inflicts physical pain on another person. E.g. Biting, pushing, hitting, kicking, nipping, scratching, hair pulling
  • Bullying in any form, including any attempt to frighten, intimidate or exclude another child
  • Hurtful and discriminatory remarks which inflict emotional pain, about any aspect of a child’s or adult’s gender, level of physical or mental ability, appearance, ethnic background, religion or personality
  • Any behaviour that is abusive to property. E.g. Misuse of toys, or damage to furniture
  • How we deal with incidents of unacceptable behaviour of course, varies to an extent, depending upon the nature and seriousness of the incident itself, the causes for the behaviour in the first place and the age and personalities of the individual children involved. Taking these factors into account however, general guidelines to our staff team include:

Initially, observing any potential conflict situations from a distance, so allowing children an opportunity to sort them out amicably for themselves.
If it looks as if conflict is becoming a possibility, stepping in to help children negotiate an acceptable solution and trying to diffuse a situation by offering them alternative choices.

Stopping any aggressive or hurtful behaviour right away. This includes stopping and challenging any negative, discriminatory or derogatory remarks and behaviour, which are racist, sexist or stereotypical. Then giving attention (comfort and care), first of all, to the child who has been hurt, whilst possibly using thinking time for the child who has been responsible for inflicting the pain in the first place, before having a chat with them to discuss the situation. Sometimes a child who has caused pain to another child or behaved aggressively can be just as upset as the child who has been hurt. Young children are still trying to come to terms with how to control and cope with their often intense emotions and along with their lack of vocabulary to describe their feelings, this can often lead to them channelling their frustrations, worries, and feelings of anger, tiredness, hunger and boredom through inappropriate behaviour

Involve children in making restitution for the effects of their behaviour, so that they may understand the consequences of their actions. E.g. “Brushing up the sand they threw, tidying up the bricks they threw over the floor, giving the child they hurt a hug to make them feel better”. If a child spontaneously says “sorry” to another, this is to be praised.

In any case of misbehaviour, it will always be made clear to the child or children that it is the behaviour and not the child that is unwelcome.

Discussing with parents any concern about difficulties in managing their child’s behaviour. Possibly they might be able to provide additional information about home life, which might help us to make better sense of their child’s behaviour. It is preferable, if parents and staff decide on a joint plan of action to sort out any behaviour difficulties, as a consistent approach will ensure a greater chance of any problems being resolved.

Thinking time

This may be used when a child’s behaviour is unacceptable. They are excluded from an activity for a short period of time in order to think about what they have done.

Thinking time should be used as an ultimate sanction for unacceptable behaviour and as such, when used appropriately and sparingly, can make a child particularly aware of the adult’s disapproval of their actions.

Thinking Time can be a useful diffusing tactic, which gives the staff member reacting to an instance of unacceptable behaviour:

Time to think about what has just happened and how to discuss the situation with the child on the receiving end and the child who has misbehaved.

It also gives the child a chance to calm down and also to think about what has happened and the effects of their actions on others around them.

Before a child resumes playing a staff member would have a chat, to decide if the child knows why they were given Thinking Time in the first place and as a result come to a shared understanding of events with them.

Thinking Time is a strategy used in Bumbles for the over 2’s and we only exclude children from activities for a period of up to 3 – 5 minutes maximum, appropriate to age.

‘Thinking Time ‘is inappropriate for under 2’s. Some children from 18 months of age probably know if they are doing something wrong intentionally, but a short explanation from staff about what is wrong with their behaviour and redirection of their attention should be enough to deal with any incident.

With younger babies any unacceptable behaviour is probably arising from their desire to explore their environment and consequently staff will distract babies, redirect their attention and alter the environment as necessary to remove temptation from their way.

Managing biting incidents

One type of unacceptable behaviour, which evokes strong emotions in parents, is biting.

Reasons for biting and ways of dealing with it differ with under 3’s and over 3’s. Over 3’s usually have more understanding of how hurtful and disapproved of biting is and they should be able to control their urges to bite. Under 3’s may bite because:

  • They are teething
  • They might bite impulsively
  • They might have been bitten by other children and are passing on the same behaviour
  • Frustration may be expressed through biting

Children are NEVER bitten back.

‘It is a normal part of development for under 3’s to snatch, push, bite and hit.’

Our experience has shown us that this above comment is indeed true. We have also learned however, that snatching, biting, pushing 1 or 2 year olds turn into remarkably civilised 3 year olds, so take heart!

Any form of punishment that humiliates and attacks children’s sense of self and makes them feel helpless is damaging and is NEVER permitted in Bumbles Day Care.

For further information, please read our policy on Biting Behaviour.

Persistent unacceptable behaviour

In the event that unacceptable behaviour persists, the child’s parents/carers will be asked to attend a meeting with the Co-ordinator and or a member of the management team, to discuss the situation and attempt to find the possible cause for the behaviour.

The Co-ordinator and the parents/carers will, together, develop strategies for dealing with the unwanted behaviour, which could be implemented at home or in Bumbles.

Should it be necessary and with the consent of the parent/carer, advice and assistance will be sought from relevant external specialists to address the matter.

In extreme cases and to protect other children and staff, Bumbles Day Care reserves the right to exclude the child from the group. This may be a temporary or permanent measure.

Monitoring and recording

Any serious incidents will be recorded on a Bumbles Incident form and parents/carers will be informed and asked to sign this when they come to collect their child/children.

All incidents will be monitored for any signs of repetitive behaviours.

Staff will be aware that some kinds of behaviour may arise from a special need and if this is found to be the case we will work with parents/carers, take advice from Early Years team in order to fully support that child and their needs.

Code of practice

All Bumbles Day Care staff have gone through an induction process which includes an awareness of key Policies & Procedures as well as an agreement to a code of conduct aimed to ensure good practice that includes valuing and respecting children as individuals, and the adult modelling of appropriate conduct – which will always exclude bullying, shouting, racism, sectarianism or sexism.

All staff at Bumbles Day Care will try to provide a positive role model for children with regard to friendliness, care and courtesy.

Staff will not raise their voices in a threatening way.

As a team we will take positive steps to avoid a situation in which children receive adult attention only in return for undesirable behaviour.

We will praise the children constantly for positive behaviour.

Appendix A: Managing Children’s Behaviour

This is a supplement to the Managing Children’s Behaviour Policy and should be read in conjunction with that policy.

The following are guidelines on how to deal with specific instances of behaviour followed by scenarios that have already been experienced in Bumbles Day Care.

Coping with Aggression & Teaching Self-Control

Babies can sometimes do things that appear and feel aggressive (like grab our hair), but they do not yet have the thinking skills to act hurtfully on purpose. They are not able to control their feelings or use words to communicate their thoughts. Over time they learn right from wrong when you are clear and consistent with rules – consistency within a team is essential.

Starting at about 18 months, toddlers are learning that they are separate from their parents and are eager to act as independently as they can. But they have limited self-control and have not yet learned to wait, share and take turns. And while they are learning more words every day, they still rely heavily on their actions to communicate. When they are angry, tired, frustrated or overwhelmed, they may hit, push, slap, grab, kick or bite to tell you I’m mad, or I’m exhausted, or I’m over my limit and need a break.

Listen to a child’s reaction, the more you listen the easier it becomes to read them and predict how children are going to react.

Ways to help the young child develop self-control and rely on less aggressive behaviours to communicate needs and feelings.

  • Birth to 12months, set the limit in a clear and firm voice (without anger). Then re-direct baby’s attention. Pulling your hair, hold out a toy instead – offering an alternative is usually easier to distract.
  • Toddlers 12 months and up. When toddlers are aggressive, it usually means they are out of control and need help to calm down before any learning can take place,
  • Stay calm – The calmer you are the more quickly the child will calm down. Using a quite voice encourages them to be quiet as their natural inquisitiveness will mean they will want to hear what you are saying.
  • Recognise the child’s feeling or goal. Let the child know that you understand what they want to do. It’s okay to be mad, but not okay to hit as hitting hurts. Acknowledging their feelings is essential as it creates a base for everyone to move on from.

Sharing Toys

Sharing and turn taking are things we value as adults, but they are extremely vague concepts for children. Through their developmental lens, many pre-schoolers adhere to the philosophy “What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine!” This is why they say, “He’s not sharing!” or “she took my toy!” so frequently throughout the day. This can be an opportunity through coaching and teaching them a few simple phrases to help them develop problem solving and to effectively communicate verbally and move away from ‘unwanted’ behaviours.

One phrase that proves to be most successful and makes the most difference for children in social situations is “Can I have a turn when you have finished please?” When we coach a child with this phrase we communicate several key points that ease the process fort both children involved.

“I want a turn” empowers the child who is asking. It helps the child to know its OK to communicate wants & needs to others.

“You get to finish” – the magic ingredients is “when you are done/finished”. It communicates to the child in possession the no-one is trying to take it away or force them to share. It lets them feel a sense of control. The fight may not be about who has the object, but who has the power. Coach children through the phase and simply follow up with, “so Jimmy, when you are finished, find Debbie and make sure that she gets a turn next. OK?” The two should seamlessly swap soon, but if this is not happening, gauge the temperament of the children involved and the situation at hand. Keeping things light, say “well, there are lots of other things to do that are fun today, let’s go find something: whenever you are finished give it to Debbie, and we will do something else”

Timers may work for other children – How much time do you think you will need Jimmy? Help them come up with a reasonable amount of time, help them set the timer, let one of them hold it; be in charge (can make the fuzzy concept of time more concrete)

Use gestures along with words to communicate with toddlers. Use a calm firm (not angry) voice and at the same time use a stop or no-no gesture. You might say no hitting hurts as you take his hand and hold it by his side, firmly but not angrily.

Offer alternatives. Give the child acceptable ways to reach their goal. Throwing thins indoors offer a soft sponge ball for inside or take outside for ‘pitching’ practise. A child who throws is developing this skill, so offer an alternative.
Try a distraction. Ignore a child’s tantrum and instead do something he/she does not expect., point to a bird outside, start to read a favourite book of theirs, pick up an interesting toy and start to play with it. The bottom line is that young children want attention, and lots of it. When you ignore the tantrum, they tend to give it up much more quickly and accept one of the activities you are offering.

Suggest ways to manage strong emotions. When a child is really angry, suggest that he jump up and down, kick a ball, rip paper, cuddle with a teddy bear or use some other appropriate strategy. This teaches the child to express strong feelings in healthy, non hurtful ways. Know your child!

Help the child take a break. Some children calm more quickly when they can be by themselves in a safe, quiet place. This is not a punishment. It helps children learn to soothe themselves and regain control. When the child pulls him/herself together, tell them what a good job they have done calming his/herself down. – “you are not on thinking time, let’s just calm down first”.

Scenarios

Scenario 1: The tots are just waking up and a 16 month old boy has sat down beside a 17 month old girl who has then bit him on the hand. He has cried out but has not bitten back.

In Bumbles Day Care:

  • We would say a firm ‘no’ to the child who has done the biting.
  • The attention is then given to the child who has been bitten, that is, comfort is given; ice and/or arnica cream will be applied as required (keeping in mind to continue supervising the room).
  • The staff member will need to assess why the other child has bitten?
    • teething – teething gel can be provided
    • hunger – a healthy snack can be provided
    • impulse – Children under the age of 2 may need to sit in a highchair with some toys to occupy them for a short time. (This is not Thinking Time as they are too young to understand.) For children over the age of 2, ‘Thinking Time’ may be required and we encourage them to say sorry.
  • Staff will complete a biting incident record sheet to help them work out a possible reason for why the child is biting.
  • An accident form will be completed
  • The parents of the child who has been bitten will usually be informed by the Supervisor when they come to collect their child and will be asked to sign the accident/incident book. The Supervisor or Manager would contact the parents by phone if the skin was broken. This is a very rare occurrence.
  • The parents of the child who has done the biting will be informed and possible reasons and solutions will be discussed.

Scenario 2: A 23 month old child has really bonded with one member of staff but becomes very cross if another child goes too close to this person or if the member of staff has to do something else or leave the room.

In Bumbles Day Care:

  • We would use language such as ‘our grownups have to help all the children in Bumbles’
  • If a child is still settling into a room, the member of staff with whom they show a preference, may help with the settling in
  • Encourage the child to sit beside you rather than on your knee
  • If the member of staff needs to leave the room, reassure the child, telling them that you will be back very soon – always follow through with what you tell the child. This will hopefully build up trust
  • Other staff members in the room should try to engage with the child (especially in activities he/she clearly enjoys)
  • Always be consistent with your actions

Scenario 3: A Bumbilos child had been sitting in the book corner. Another child sat down beside them and the two children began to both pull on one a particular book. The pages were torn in a very short time and the book ruined.

In Bumbles Day Care:

  • We would approach the two children immediately and get down to their level
  • We would take the book from them and speak firmly that ‘We do not treat our books like this, this was one of our favourite stories and now we cannot read it anymore’
  • If the ripped pages are lying on the floor encourage the children to pick them up and place them in the bin as the book is now ruined
  • Next time we are reading a story we could talk to all the children about how we look after our books in Bumbles

Scenario 4: A 2 year old refusing to eat a dinner that they usually love and suddenly throw their plate on the floor.

In Bumbles Day Care:

  • We would recognise there is something wrong as he/she usually enjoys this lunch, therefore we would talk with the child to get to the bottom of the problem
  • We would show the child the mess and tell them in a calm but firm voice that we do not throw our food on the floor.
  • Maybe get the child to help clean up the mess – as this would be a consequence for their actions
  • After chatting with the child to sort out the problem offer them some more lunch.

Scenario 5: A Bumbleer (3 year old) was refusing to listen to a member of staff, had already had three tantrums that morning and proceeded to kick the member of staff hard on the shin.

In Bumbles Day Care:

  • We would tell the child that they have hurt you by kicking you and explain firmly that they should not kick anybody
  • If they are clearly frustrated with that particular member of staff, another member of staff may need to step in to calm the situation down
  • This member of staff should simply speak to the child asking what the problem is and letting them talk. This will hopefully help the child to calm down and see what they have done is unacceptable.
  • This child can have thinking time to allow them to think about why we should not kick other people
  • After thinking time talk with the child again about why we do not kick – reinforcing ‘our ‘grown ups’ are here to help us and we must not kick them’

Scenario 6: A group of 3 children had been playing together in the shop for a while (4 year olds). All of a sudden, one child said ‘I don’t want to play with you. You are not my friend. Only Child A is my friend and is coming to play at my house. You are not.’ The child who was being left out started to cry.

In Bumbles Day Care:

  • We would get the three children together and get down to their level and ask what’s wrong
  • Encourage the three children to talk through it themselves
  • We can say to the child – We are all friends together and we cannot leave anyone out. We also do not say things that will hurt our feelings.
  • We should point out that the other child is very upset (especially if they are crying)
  • Ask the child ‘how would you feel if somebody said those things to you?’
  • Encourage them to continue playing together or if the child prefers, join in with another group

Scenario 7: A 6 year old talking to a friend about another child and uses a racist term in earshot of the child they were talking about.

In Bumbles Day Care:

  • We would deal with this very seriously – Try to find out if the child is aware of what they have said (i.e. was it said with intent)
  • Explain to the child that this behaviour in unacceptable and why we will not allow it in Kids club.
  • Offer time out to this child to think about how they have/ or could have upset another child
  • Speak to the child’s parent so that they are aware and let them know how you dealt with the situation
  • Multicultural books, posters and games should always be available

Scenario 8: A small group of 7 to 9 year olds were playing a board game and another child was building. The 9 year old shouted and hit out angrily. It was unclear to staff what had caused the child to shout out but the child who shouted explained that the group were calling names and were trying to wreck the board game. This situation had occurred before.

In Bumbles Day Care:

  • We would speak to the children individually to get each side of the story
  • Then bring them together and let them try to sort out the problem with an adult close by
  • We will ask open ended questions
  • Especially with this age group we should always encourage the truth and remind them that telling lies will not sort out the problem

Please bear in mind that all incidents have to be dealt with to suit the child as an individual. What may work with one child may not suit another therefore we should always take this into consideration